Although I have the best Japanese staff in any English school in Fukuoka (well, according to the staff at least) I am wondering if having the best staff is more pain than pleasure?

Firstly, not a single member of my Japanese staff has ever remembered my birthday. Now, as the person in charge of all pay rises (and, more importantly, pay cuts) you would think those staff members wishing to further their climb up the greasy pole would remember such an important event. A bottle of champagne on the appropriate day would not go amiss, but the best I ever do is one of the staff will say “Heh, you’re looking older these days, was it your birthday or something?” When I raised this important topic with M-chan, she said that she’ll wish me a Happy Birthday just as soon as she gets a Happy Bonus Day. Now how selfish is that?

Apart from being rude about my age and general stinginess, the staff can’t keep secrets either. Whenever the real boss (my wife) appears in the office to do a “spot check” search for my secret money, somebody outside my (limited) hearing range seems to let the cat out of the bag every time. (I suspect F-chan myself as she’s always talking to my wife in very low tones.)

And talking of money, some of our students pay in cash when they first join the school. That’s all very nice, but I never actually see any of that money. Sometimes, at the end of the day, M-chan will say, “We received 25,000 yen today, but we need to buy office supplies, coffee, my new shoes (said very quietly because she knows I’m going deaf), so you need to pay 45,000 yen to cover office expenses.” I used to think I was running an NPO (Non-profit Organization), but in truth it’s really an MBO (Money-burning Organization). How will I ever buy a house with a swimming pool doing this? Right now, with M-chan's money management skills, I'll be retiring to a blue sheet in Ohori Park.

Anyway, the good news is I’ve found a way to end the pain. It's simple really - get rid of the staff! Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve been secretly looking for some “better staff” to replace the “best staff” as soon as possible. So if anyone knows someone who’s willing to work for peanuts, buy me expensive birthday presents and lie to my wife, please send me their contact details! It might be all pain now, but pleasure is coming .

And then he woke up.

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